I really contradict the
people’s idea that moving on is just applicable to those people who had been in
a relationship but I gotta say no it is not. As long as you loved someone, then
he/she doesn’t love you back, well I can say that it is a choice for you to
move on.
It really sounds crazy
right now but I’m writing this blog post in front of the person I fell in love
(but also hate). He’s lying over there, resting. But I came up to this point
that I should really give up on him. He placed me through lots difficulties and
heartaches. But I’m doing this again. I hope I can say that now I completely
moved on, but I guess that’s just too hard for me to say that it is official.
WHY DO PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED
TO MOVE ON?
It is because we want
to keep on moving forward. We want
to look for something that will make our life a lot more interesting, than being stuck in misery. Like the
reason why we’re studying, we study because we want to get a job in the future
that will help us to pursue our dreams and that
will live our families. We want to grow old, and die in happiness.
And
now in love, we want to keep on moving forward because we feel the need to be
happy, to be satisfied and have a settlement in the future.
Love is not something we need to get hesitate with, although sometimes
we are getting confused at the start. Once you confirmed that if that is love,
well there is no need for you to be unsure at all. It is something you need to look up to, something you need to face, and
something you need to confess. Because
once you get afraid on saying what you truly feel for the particular person,
it’ll break you into tiny pieces.
It
is really hard to move on. I promise you, it is not like “I will wake up tomorrow then everything will be fine”. Moving on
is not something like that. It is something like “OMG! I CAN’T TAKE THIS AT ALL”. You have lots of emotional scenes, wants to be
alone scenario, not eating and doing anything needed. It is something that we suffer
for like so many months and sometimes for many years. We have those sleepless
nights, thinking all the “what ifs”. In
short, moving on is clearly the hardest thing a person needs to overcome.
SOMETIMES, WE’RE LYING TO
OURSLEVES.
We’re
constantly saying that “OMG girl I moved on now, I completely forget about him”.
But sometimes, in just a snap, every progress you made will be wasted. I went
through for so many, “YES! I moved on for like 75% now”, then all of a sudden,
I saw myself crying over him again. I got tired of everything, and now I want
to give up, totally give up, but I just can’t stop from caring, staring etc. I
KNOW! It was kinda creepy but if you’re totally in love with someone, you know
what I mean, if ever in your fall in love.
IT IS SOMETHING YOU’LL WANT TO GET RID OFF, BUT AT THE SAME
TIME WANTS TO STAY
I can clearly remember
how many times I denied, rejected hanging out with him or talking to him. I
ignored him a lot, I became a total snob, but in so many ways, I still want him
to stay. I want him to stay by my side forever. But I’m totally getting
irritated whenever I’m with him. Can you see the contrast? It’s quite annoying,
promise, but when you’re in love; it is, somehow, like that. But now that I
know he is not interested at all, I’m
completely devastated. I still want
him to be by my side but now that I wasted it, I guess I have to give up that
everything will never be the same again. Never
again.
YOU’RE GOING TO REGRET
EVERYTHING
In my case, why it is a
lot more difficult it was for me to move
on is that I kept on reminiscing the good times, the times where we’re
still laughing, talking and comfortable with each other. What makes me
frustrated right now is that I don’t know why he’s not talking to me, not
looking to me the same way as he did in the past few months, and even the way
he interacts with me.
My situation with him
is always so vague, that’s why I’m trying my very best to remember “what I did?
What happened? What I’m going to do? I shouldn’t say that. I’m wrong.” In
the end I’m the loser. In the end it is me that I blame, not him. I’m the
one who made the wrong move and used the wrong words. I’m always the one who’s going to regret a lot.
SO WHAT AM I DOING RIGHT
NOW?
It is not easy to move
on, like I said. It is not like forgetting doing your homework at night then
remember it the next morning and do it before the period comes then done. It is
not like that. Moving on requires not only time, but lots and lots of effort.
I’m been in a situation where in my frustration I cut my hair, I’m getting a
lot more concentrated on the drama of my life rather than anything important.
There are times that I just want to give up, don’t want to attend any training
in fear of seeing him again, her girl or not even go to his town. I’m afraid of
everything. But I realized that it is not making me move. It doesn’t have any
good effect to me, so as hard as it is, I’m trying to MOVE ON.
I’m
not turning my back to the pain. I’m facing them,
absorbing them, and let it hurt me, because in the end I know, that this pain
will fade away. The wound that he caused will be just a scar, and then be gone.
I
give up. I’m giving him up. I know that he will never ever
fall for me. He will not look at me the same way as he does when we were still
okay. I know that it’ll never be the same. There is a thick wall between me and
him, and I know that breaking that wall will never be easy, because we’re
awkward to each other and we’re not talking.
I’m
trying to look for something else. I said that if ever I
can’t win in love, then I’ll rather win in different aspect. I’m going to
concentrate to my grades, college life, meeting tons of new people and the
like.
I keep on thinking that my life is not all about him, and my future will never ever be him. What is the point of thinking, caring about him if he doesn’t even care about you? I’m just tiring myself.
I’m
taking my time. For me moving on is not as fast as we
imagine it was. It is unlike those romance novels and movies where they got
their heart broken, someone will come up to their life to bring their broken
pieces together. In reality, it is not like that. That’s why I’m taking my time
to forget about it.
And
the last thing I do is trying to love myself more.
I can still remember a quote from Christopher Poindexter saying that “And in the end we were all just humans,
drunk on the idea that love, only love could heal our brokenness.” That
line sinks in to me, but not in a way that I’m going to find a new one to love.
It is about loving yourself more than anyone else, because the biggest love you
can give is only to yourself. I know is sounds kinda selfish but there is a reason why our heart is
inside us. It is because we need to hide it first to ourselves before
spreading it to other people. Love
yourself so you could heal the brokenness. The biggest portion of the love
we releases should always be given to ourselves. And now isn’t that what you
call love?
I can still remember
the movie “Frozen”. For me, what made the movie interesting is that it is
unlike the usual fairy tale that “in the
end they live happily ever after with her prince charming”. There is
said that only true love can heal her frozen heart, and the one that cured her
was her sister’s love, not anyone else’s.
I also got lots of
advices from my close friends that I should rather go love myself more, because
that what makes me suffer hard time. And they always say that it is the best
decision in order to cure your heart. Finding true love is not easy, but the sincerest
love you can have is the love you can give to yourself, the ones from your
family and friends. And in the end, we’ll be able to move on and live our lives
forward.
-
So I hope you guys got
something in this another love entry from me, again and again and again and
again. Hahaha. I know that my blog has been full of love. I should’ve made this
blog a love post, not too random. Hahaha. Feel free to leave comments! J
-
Ricka
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