The End of My Start (Part 1)

It’s been a long time since I last made a blog entry. I guess I’m really having a hard time collecting my thoughts again unless there is something big that happened. Writing is an introspective activity, and really, with this schedule and stress, I don’t have any time to think about my thoughts about certain things in my life. Well now, I took a break from that craziness and pessimism.

But hey, I’m still visiting this site, well at least to reread about my past entries. And I gotta say that it was a mess. I’d like to say AMEN in every single entry. Well maybe I’m just too young for a blog that time, but it was also hilarious at the same time, I was able to look back at the confused side, the happy side, the typo-error, and even the broken side of me (yuck!) But this time around, I would like to give emphasis on what had happened to my COLLEGE life (yes! Mature na ako kidding)

 

I have to say that it was a mess too.  I finally achieved my highest level of stress in my life. It was not awesome to feel that way. I’m young, and I feel the need to enjoy whatever kind of life I’m through, but it was just so frustrating that everything starts to fall apart.

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT COLLEGE?

There are lots of changes that happened to me when I became a college student. I guess my experiences for the first month can write a novel already, but it was kinda a pessimist novel. Haha. So anyway, I’m still looking forward that everything will be okay, for the next few months. Mid-term is about to come, I’m so nervous it seems like I haven’t learn anything only half kidding. Anyway…

My favourite novel has always been The Perks of Being a Wallflower, since I can see the situation of the main character, Charlie as my very own situation. We’re not so alike actually, not the family situation. IT is the way Charlie thinks. And now with my recent experiences, I was relying to what happened to the novel, where he was able to find friends in the end.

But anyway, since it is not happening yet to me, I just became interested with this quote:

“We can’t choose where we came from, but we can choose where we go from there”- The Perks of Being a Wallflower

FACING THE TRUTH THAT YOU’RE IN COLLEGE

I guess, it is really hard for everyone to accept that now you’re in college, now you’re this mature lady/men, big girl/boy ka na and few years from now, you’ll be working, build your own family. There will be no more happy-go-lucky moments (if ever you don’t want your grades to suffer), and you need to face a serious kind of studying, sleepless nights and dead serious conversations.

But I’m going to admit that until now, my mind is still not yet in college. I can feel that I’m still that spoiled little 12 year old girl, just ignoring her homework and making lousy decisions at school (well no one can blame me for that hihi). I didn’t feel like I actually graduated. I thought it is just a program at school that passed by (huhu my gosh I’m suffering here) so it really is difficult for me to truly accept that I’m now in college, that I’m just a few steps away from the boring serious life of adults. Huhu (thunder na ako haha ayoko pa!)

So anyway, why am I doing this entry? It is because I want to list down some things to keep you alive happy in college (and these are also the things I’m hoping I can do in college lol).

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JOURNALISM PART 4: The National Schools Press Conference

It became a long way for me to get into National Level of the most prestigious competition in Campus Journalism, and I know it was a long way to make this entry too haha, so here I am again, dealing with my thoughts. You know I had a problem with my mind these past few days. It’s not into blogging that’s why last Saturday I didn’t have any entry. Anyway, so now that my brain is working (yehey finally!), I’m writing down here the lessons I learned from the Nationals. I know, I’m always writing all the things I realized at Journalism, but the urge has always been there, and I need to deal with it.

Reaching the National is not easy. You have to go through lots of trainings, frustrations, mood swings etc. Until now, I truly believe that in Journalism, you still need to hold on to the power of luck. I’m not being bitter. I accepted everything with ease when my name is not called on the roster of winners, later I’ll explain why.

Going to the NSPC is already an achievement, WINNING IS JUST A BONUS. I’m not bitter (again lol), but not all the people, who are wanting and desperate, to go to the NSPC are given the chance (and I know lots of them). So reaching this far, as a first timer who once turned her back at Journalism is already an achievement. Simply, this is my biggest achievement. 

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How difficult it was to move on?

I really contradict the people’s idea that moving on is just applicable to those people who had been in a relationship but I gotta say no it is not. As long as you loved someone, then he/she doesn’t love you back, well I can say that it is a choice for you to move on.

 

It really sounds crazy right now but I’m writing this blog post in front of the person I fell in love (but also hate). He’s lying over there, resting. But I came up to this point that I should really give up on him. He placed me through lots difficulties and heartaches. But I’m doing this again. I hope I can say that now I completely moved on, but I guess that’s just too hard for me to say that it is official.

WHY DO PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO MOVE ON?

It is because we want to keep on moving forward. We want to look for something that will make our life a lot more interesting, than being stuck in misery. Like the reason why we’re studying, we study because we want to get a job in the future that will help us to pursue our dreams and that will live our families. We want to grow old, and die in happiness.

And now in love, we want to keep on moving forward because we feel the need to be happy, to be satisfied and have a settlement in the future. Love is not something we need to get hesitate with, although sometimes we are getting confused at the start. Once you confirmed that if that is love, well there is no need for you to be unsure at all. It is something you need to look up to, something you need to face, and something you need to confess. Because once you get afraid on saying what you truly feel for the particular person, it’ll break you into tiny pieces.

BUT EVEN THOUGH WE LIKE IT OR NOT, MOVING ON IS REALLY EASY SAID THAN DONE. 

We make or we break

(HOW TO DEAL WITH THE MOTIVATIONS WE LOST)

We humans, compete in so many ways. We compete for a contest, with our classmates, in love, in life. We’re competing not because we want to get the worst outcome; we’re competing because we want to make good things happen. We’re not those little kids anymore, who may either cry or not when they loss or win in a specific contest. We’re teenagers who’re trying to figure out what we are and what we want to be in the next few years of our life as an adult.

As a fourth year student, I feel the need to make my life something worthy. Since my parents got separated, I never loved myself. I’m giving more love to the things where I want to be good with. I can still remember my grade school years where I want to make good grades ONLY because I thought that will be the best way to overcome the loneliness that I feel.

As of now, high school made me realize that if you want to be happy, you need to know who you are, what you’re capable of and the things that do not oppose what you feel. I’m going to admit that until now, I’m still having a bit of my identity crisis, but at least I could distract myself to get away from that. Well now my only problem is how to make thing right for me with a right motivation.

Having a motivation can be the biggest pleasure you can feel whenever you want to be successful in a place where you know you don’t excel well. But I realized that providing yourself a motivation can either be like this, it can build you or it can destroy you.

When you have a dream, you’re going to be desperate making it, because you think that you’ll be happy with the success you’re going to get. Our motivation becomes a part of our dreams, and of course, you have this urge for that motivation to feel the same way as yours. Let’s just say that you’re motivation is a person. He/ She became your dream, but what if he/she doesn’t want you to be a part of your dream? What if it happens to you?

How not to be a victim of wrong love 101

(Here's another WTH entry! Hope you enjoy it)

I’m one of those people who always wanted to feel love. I really don’t know the very particular reason but it is maybe because of the lacking of love that I’m feeling since my parents are not around with me. I know that it is quite wrong, to look for love in such a young age, but still, if you feel the lack of love, then you’re the one who’s going to look for it.

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Things that I am going to miss in high school

It is true that I really do regret my years of not studying in high school and I know that it is too late for that, but despite of that regret that I’m feeling, I can never deny that I’m really going to miss my high school. I may be so mean but I never missed being grade school but high school, damn. There is no doubt that high school is one of the most memorable, outrageous and the craziest part of our lives. But it’s too bad that I’m going to say goodbye to it, in the part where I still want to stay.

High School became the happiest part of my life, despite of so many problems and immature things that I had gone through. But all I can say is it is like a cliff-hanger. I want to spend more being a teen. But of course we can’t stop aging. We need to grow up.

Before, I say that I’m so lucky that I’ve never been a part of the K-12 program, but now, men I want to be. I still want to spend two more years with my friends. I still want to. There are lots of things that I’m going to miss, and these are:

Love brought me blessings

LOVE BROUGHT ME BLESSINGS…

Before you start, there is a little bit of reminder. As you know, I’m still not sure if I already know love so the love that I’m referring to this entry is what I’m feeling.

Like I said before, my true love had never gone by and I don’t consider anything I feel as true love ‘coz I’m just a teenage girl. But now let’s set aside it a bit. Well, like I also said before, I really envy those people who can balance both love and studies but a thing never came up to my mind, that I also can do that.

             

Well maybe if someone knows me reads this; he or she might say that “What is she saying? She doesn’t even have a boyfriend.” Well that is not the thing that I’m talking about. YES! It is true that I never had a boyfriend but there is just someone who motivated me, who changed my mind and it may sound as cliché as cliché but that person brought me back to the right path.

            

Like I said in my entry about happiness, he’s particularly annoying, sometimes you’re going to say ‘who the heck are you?’ Well yeah and it actually became severed because of certain reasons.

At actually the middle part, I told myself that I really don’t want him anymore because:

Journalism Part 3: My biggest blessing so far…

I once said that Division Schools Press Conference is one of the most difficult contests in journalism. I just want to say that this time I’ll take my word for that.

Regional Schools Press Conference is a way harder. It is not because it was a level higher; it is because of the amount of all the aspiring journalists who’re desperate (and yes I used desperate) to advance to the National Schools Press Conference are way too high. Plus, they’ll be taking just the Top 7. Imagine you’ll be competing with hundreds of students and they will select 7 best articles and only the Top 3 will go to the NSPC.

In our Phase II training at Alfonso Central School, I can just simply describe what are the results my articles, THEY ARE ALL BAD! I mean none of them are even correct, even in the right way of format. That is just two days away from the contest itself. But in our stay at Dasmarinas Elementary School, I found another way on how to motivate myself, and I’m going to tell you, that it is not easy, because that motivation is a risk.

I won’t give any further explanation about that motivation because now it is completely gone (I guess), but what I wanted to have right now is to share to you my experience, the lessons that I got from that contest.

The value of friendship

Unintentional Liars

Unintentional Liars

Back when I was a kid, I can always hear from every adult that surrounds me or even in television that imagining things are really good because that can exercise the brain. I can say that it is somehow true. But most of the things that we were imagining are no coming true. We were saying that someday me and him are going to be together, but you’re actually not because he never liked you are just making things out of him in your own mind. You keep on thinking that you’ll have your very own family with your boyfriend or girlfriend now but one day you’re the one who is going to break up. Imagining things can usually lead to disappointments, because it is the same thing as expectations. 

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Random Thoughts

Thoughts for the week

February 1, 2014

I never imagined myself writing without you. Whenever you’re not around, I don’t feel the excitement, the competence, and many other things that make my write-ups almost complete. That was before. I guess now I have to accept the fact that you’re not always there so I have to stand alone.

We celebrated our triumph together. I never knew the reason why I did because mine is mine and yours is yours and there are words that you utter that I never liked. And those words never failed to make me confuse.

Like what Tonya Hurley said:

“Words not only help us express our emotion, they distance us from it as well. They can be a useful safety net, protecting your heart from overexposure, parcelling out your true feelings in carefully crafted syllables rather than gushing sincerity. They can also be misinterpreted by creating an impression to someone else’s mind that wasn’t intended. Sometimes, things are really better left unsaid.”

It may sound vague but the words you’re saying are not true. The reality of my achievement is not what I expected, not my dream. I’m both thankful and sad. It is because my failure in passing the UPCAT had a counterpart, but somehow sad because I know that I will be more confuse on what you really meant when you’re there.

The words I say oppose what I feel, and what I feel is the exact opposite on what is happening. Sometimes, as a writer, I feel the need to put my pen down, stop writing and let that little commotion on my head fade, because it really devastates what I am. If ever God will give me my next triumph, probably, I won’t cherish it with you.

YEAR 2014!!!

THANK GOD FOR ANOTHER YEAR

Phewww. Another year passed by. Bye 2013. We’re now going to take it to another level, and yes that is 2014. But before that of course we have to thank God and take a look back on the memories that we’ve made. Maybe lots of us are really promised to make this year better. Of course everyone is looking for that. But what else are we dying for? Well that’s the implementation.

Nobody wants to make the same mistakes before. That’s always the whole thought. There are lots of resolutions that we’re going to make again so here goes on how to make it a reality, for the benefit of you and even myself.

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MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTION (and probably yours too)