It’s been a long time since I last made a blog entry. I
guess I’m really having a hard time collecting my thoughts again unless there
is something big that happened. Writing is an introspective activity, and
really, with this schedule and stress, I don’t have any time to think about my
thoughts about certain things in my life. Well now, I took a break from that
craziness and pessimism.
But hey, I’m still visiting this site, well at least to
reread about my past entries. And I gotta say that it was a mess. I’d like to
say AMEN in every single entry. Well maybe I’m just too young for a blog that
time, but it was also hilarious at the same time, I was able to look back at
the confused side, the happy side, the typo-error, and even the broken side of
me (yuck!) But this time around, I would like to give emphasis on what had
happened to my COLLEGE life (yes! Mature
na ako kidding)
I have to say that it was a mess too. I finally achieved my highest level of stress
in my life. It was not awesome to feel that way. I’m young, and I feel the need
to enjoy whatever kind of life I’m through, but it was just so frustrating that
everything starts to fall apart.
I’m pretty much frustrated, first and foremost, because of
my doubts. I had so many doubts I cannot even count them with my fingers (not exaggerating). I’ve never ever
doubt myself before. I mean I’m really specific to the things I like and to the
things I don’t like but right now, I can totally feel that I’m in between. I
just can’t feel I’m holding into my life at all. So lesson learned, never ever
doubt yourself because you it’ll bring you nothing but failure. Tell you, the
fruit of my whole doubt thing is 2.50 in my Accounting Subject. I’ve never
trusted myself that I can do it, or maybe I trusted myself when it is already
late.
But for the progress, right now I’m really looking forward
to finish this course, if ever I’m going to fail in our qualifying exam, then
I’ll be probably be transfer to another school and try to do well there. Maybe
that is the time where I’ll be given the chance to start over, and the thought
of it was really motivating.
So if ever you regret, don’t forget that you could always
start over, and try to move forward as soon as possible.
I’ve always say to myself that I’ll be ready in the right
time. Maybe I’m just adjusting. Well I adjusted pretty badly. My progress
became so slow, it affected my mind set. I can feel like my life was still on
high school now. I learned that I have to make my adjustments faster, because
most likely, you’ll be left out. You need to focus on what is right in front of
you, other than your past. You’re past is already gone. We cannot restart it
and try to fix things again. There is no room for regret, because you may not
know that it might affect your life, career, or grades.
I can still remember the day when I started in Journalism,
(my first year in high school), I know nothing. I don’t have any idea what the
people are saying, my grammar was really bad, I don’t know if I really belong
there. So I quit, believing that I don’t really belong there. But man I was
wrong. I came back, then everything became like a fairytale. Well I don’t have
any prince charming in the end (well I
just lost it haha half kidding) , but I was able to prove myself
that I can be good at something if I’m just so motivated, if someone or
something is pushing me do to good. And now I believe that what happened in
Journalism can happen in my course right now. I might be really bad at the
start, but I’m looking forward for the top in the end. It’ll take time.
I’m trying to swallow everything. Mind you. My brain was
just having a little bit of rust I’m trying to oil it. I’m trying my very best
to catch up with everything else. I once told this in Journalism that I’m the
mediocre in the class. But hey, in the end, I proved myself that my realization
is wrong. I wasn’t a mediocre. I became one of the best (I love the feeling
when I say that). SO I believe I can do that again this time around.
The worst thing that happened to me was this. I always plan
everything but nothing was executed. I hate that feeling. You feel so excited
but the next day you became so unproductive. I really do hope I have a bit off
obsessive compulsive behaviour so I can be obsess with everything I want to
finish and at least I can be productive in a very unusual way. (Even if it’s
not a product right motivation)
I’m proud to say, I’m not bothered with this at all. I’m
focusing on my studies, and trying my best not to be driven by love at all (uyyy feeling lasing) but nothings gonna
work if we’re just going to move with it. I know how wonderful it is to be in
love, I have to say that I experienced it too, how motivational it was and how
much we want to stay like that forever. I mean the feeling was surreal, but
what if it’s gone. You have to find love in the other side of you, and that
love can be found inside you. Fall in love with yourself. I’m not saying to be
narcissistic. Just look at your future, look at your career. There’ll be a time
for that, when we’re probably older. I just realized that but being #manhid was
not that bad. HAHA. IT was exciting too.
Well I guess I this will be the ending to for my Chapter
One, and now I’m starting again.
-
Ricka
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