(Here's another WTH entry! Hope you enjoy it)
I’m one of those people who always wanted to feel love. I really don’t know the very particular reason but it is maybe because of the lacking of love that I’m feeling since my parents are not around with me. I know that it is quite wrong, to look for love in such a young age, but still, if you feel the lack of love, then you’re the one who’s going to look for it.
I may sound mean or what, but whenever I’m going to hear that this girl love this boy, I really can’t force myself not to mind their business, even though that is their own love (as they consider it as love). I’m out of it. But I have to do intellectual debates (wow, am I that intelligent? haha) or force that my opinion is true because I truly believe that high school years are not just the right time for love.
Until now, I never know the feeling of love and I never had the motivation to look up to. Maybe this thing is also the reason why I can’t apply my diets well. It is because I really don’t have that particular reason. My outlook has always been like this: You can never attract a guy if you’re not hot. I don’t want to be loved just because of my physical appearance, because there are so many cases that it is just like it then they are going to be left, that’s the reason I’m keeping that mother-with-24-children-plus-a-battered-wife-look. I never wanted to make myself pretty to attract and
yes with matching googly
eyes over here because I never ever believe so much in love.
Yes. It is true that I’m making love
bitterness entries or what (I even made a stand-alone page about LOVE!),
but my opinion about those is what I used to observe about the people around me
(wow thief?). I always feel this thrill to mind other people’s business because
I truly believe there is something wrong, but the truth is there is also really
something wrong with me.
Back when I was in first year (wow landi ng lola mo!), I really liked this guy. I really don’t know the reason why but he is the first guy that I used to like seriously in my whole life. I never had a crush or undying feeling for a particular person before (I even suspected myself that I was a lesbian) but things changed when I met him. I’m totally drooling (not over) and this guy is the first ever to make me cry A LOT!
I can still remember the nights of my freshman year (yuck why could I be such a flirt?), I’m crying due to not-so-important reasons (wow!). I felt so unloved (wow2!). But this guy never liked me back. Instead, he pulled me down. He really made me feel so bad about myself, (I’m even taking selfies before, I mean a lot, but now? no you can’t see that). So this feeling really slump me back then.
I mean that love never turned out into motivation, where it has to be. Since I never felt the feeling of rejection or liking someone, I got obsessed. And here are backlashes of that love:
1. I never studied
I mentioned in my UPCAT entry that the reason why I did not study is because of the fact that I made myself choose between studies and happiness. And I chose happiness. That happiness belongs to this wrong love. I thought, I could finally feel happiness now just because I already liked someone. Therefore, robbing happiness, which is a not so good thing. It turned out into an obsession. I never ever really liked the fact that I got obsessed. I got bitter and that placed my life into the brink. I totally jeopardize my reputation back then. I’m making hate notes or something which can make the person I like feel bad.
And because I’m too busy with making him feel bad, I had no time for studies. Not literally, NO TIME but instead of devoting it into my studies, I just wasted it into not-so good things. I never turned that love (as I consider back then) into something that can help me, unlike the fresh one, this.
2. Embracing bitterness
2. Embracing bitterness
I’m still denying back when I was in second year that I’m not bitter, but now that I don’t like that guy anymore, (and turned out to be one of my good friends, Awwww I’m touched with our story TT-TT) I realized that yes, I WAS BITTER. But now I stopped being like that. You know somehow it is really good to the feeling that you don’t have any crush. THE FEELING IS SO SURREAL! I can’t believe it but I have always been like that. Haha
3. Having no time with family
3. Having no time with family
I said before that my family is broken. But back when I likes that guy, I never had time to think much about them, because my concern has always been on him and my future family with him (how could I be so futuristic?). But this thing never went good to me. I’m going to admit that until now, I never really appreciate the thing called family. I never ever really feel having that but the fact that I missed the chances because of a boy is not really acceptable. But now I’m trying to look out.
This guy really influenced me a lot that’s why I had lots of bad things also. But this guy really taught me a good lesson, NEVER FUTURIZE LOVE. Never settle things with someone because it could not always be like that.
Yes. Almost all of us want to know the EASY WAY on how to fall in love, but we can’t make it because that will come in time.
In this kind of love, you really need to think well. You don’t have to always make things right but you always have to think well. That’s has always been you lesson.
Be True, ALWAYS- RM