Thoughts for the week
February 1, 2014
I never imagined myself writing without you. Whenever you’re not around, I don’t feel the excitement, the competence, and many other things that make my write-ups almost complete. That was before. I guess now I have to accept the fact that you’re not always there so I have to stand alone.
We celebrated our triumph together. I never knew the reason why I did because mine is mine and yours is yours and there are words that you utter that I never liked. And those words never failed to make me confuse.
Like what Tonya Hurley said:
“Words not only help us express our emotion, they distance us from it as well. They can be a useful safety net, protecting your heart from overexposure, parcelling out your true feelings in carefully crafted syllables rather than gushing sincerity. They can also be misinterpreted by creating an impression to someone else’s mind that wasn’t intended. Sometimes, things are really better left unsaid.”
It may sound vague but the words you’re saying are not true. The reality of my achievement is not what I expected, not my dream. I’m both thankful and sad. It is because my failure in passing the UPCAT had a counterpart, but somehow sad because I know that I will be more confuse on what you really meant when you’re there.
The words I say oppose what I feel, and what I feel is the exact opposite on what is happening. Sometimes, as a writer, I feel the need to put my pen down, stop writing and let that little commotion on my head fade, because it really devastates what I am. If ever God will give me my next triumph, probably, I won’t cherish it with you.